A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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