How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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