Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
