i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
