I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
