Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
