I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
