if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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