That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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