Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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