Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
