Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
