You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
