There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just pee around me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
