Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
