But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
