Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's shark week go big or go home
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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