Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
