Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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