you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
