Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
