at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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