I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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