well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
