Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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