Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
