I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
