I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
