I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
