we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
