Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
