3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
