Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
