watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
