My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
