I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
