I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
