dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
