new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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