I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
nutella sex= disaster
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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