no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am midnight drunk by noon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
