NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
