If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
