so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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