he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
