I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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