so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You are the jesus of drinking
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
