Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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