So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
