so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would fuck him just for his dog
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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