shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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